Children, teens, and adult-children, who cope with a mother with alter personalities have a variety of opinions about their home situation and their mother. Below are comments by those children, and adult-children:
“You are so right about the opportunity cost of DID. Years of life can’t be returned.
My siblings and I missed out on much of a normal childhood because of my mother’s DID. My mother pretty much missed out on being a mother… kids grow up fast and if you are pretending to be a child and speaking in baby voices and in the mental hospital for years, well, then you miss out on being a mother. She also missed out on having a career or real life. And, of course, she missed the chance to treat whatever real mental illness she had.
DID therapy is a deal with the devil. At first, it doesn’t seem so bad, but the losses escalate over time. In the end, the patient is left with broken relationships, no career, no retirement savings, years of precious life just gone… but the doctors have made lots of money.
My mother was definitely in a state of arrested development during DID, and after. It is impossible to calculate the costs of all of that wasted life. So many opportunities were lost, for her and for my whole family.”
“we have been accused of being “fake” alot. even by our adult son who said we were using our DID as a crutch to not have to do something we don’t want to do. that hurt ” Retrieved 5/21/11. DissociationDisorder@yahoogroups #8362.
…Because it’s so rare I’ve never found another adult child of an MPD parent to talk to. …She would suddenly start crying and nothing you’d say could make her stop, or she’d curse at you and start yelling then swing to crying and tell you how horrible you were for yelling at her (whether you did or not). Two minutes later it was as if the entire thing never happened …
…she used to come into my room sobbing and appologize [sic] for being such a bad mother. I’d tell her she wasn’t a bad mother, and she would believe me, even though I actually hated the horrible, insane thing she was.
I don’t usually share this given the culture of misunderstanding around MPD, but an anonymous post to strangers is oddly cathartic. Mel Retrieved 4/4/11. http://pub2.bravenet.com
Response to above post by Mel.
I can more than sympathize. My mom had MPD too, she had about 2,000 personalities and life was hard living with her, to say the least. I am 28 and I am still trying to deal with the effects that she left in her wake.
I have three siblings that had to deal with it too, but she liked to pick on me the most. She would do things to me like pick up something, something that I had mentioned I was looking for that I had just found, like a scarf, that I was going to wear when I left for school, and throw it away in the dumpster. When I confronted her about those things she would say that I deserved it because I left it out, or worse, she would claim that it never happened and punish me for saying it did. OR this sound familiar? she moves something, clear as day, and moments later YOU are the culprit who took it…
I have been through all of that and I really know about the anger you feel.. I feel it too. I still have nightmares about the things she would do.. in fact I just had one last night.
She would expect the whole family to revolve around her, everyone else’s problems didn’t matter as she was so quick to compare them to her own abuse suffered as a child. I always felt guilty for even HAVING problems because hers were always the ones that deserved comfort and help, not mine or anyone else’s.
You can’t reason with someone like that, it’s not possible.. the tables are always turned on you.
Anyhow I just wanted you to know your not the only one out there who has had to deal with a parent who has MPD. I wish you the best and I hope we can talk sometime. Neeka Retrieved 4/4/11. http://pub2.bravenet.com
My 29 Mothers… Accepting my Mother with D.I.D. (aka MPD)
I am currently training to become a counselor… but this demon of anger and sadness suppression will continue to hold me back from being my best… Is there anyone out there who knows of a support group in California? I hate feeling like this. -eileen Retrieved 4/4/11 http://pub2.bravenet.com
My Mom is Different by Deborah Sessions
This activity book for young children is designed to be used as a supplement to My Mom Is Different. It enables children to create their own scrapbook of photos, drawings, and writings that illustrate different aspects of life in a family with a dissociative parent.
An appealing, personal workbook, this is a valuable tool for self-esteem building in young children, and a means to express their range of thoughts and feelings about their “different” families.
Review by The Sidran Foundation Bookshelf
Multiple Personality Books accessed 3/8/11.
“Every day was confusing — sometimes frightening … mother became suicidal after her grandmother’s death and was put into the hospital. “When she came back I just remember thinking, ‘Where has my mother gone? She’s not here anymore, she’s different,” Tiffany said.
“We had to help clothe her, we had to help feed her, had to help get her ready for bed, had to help drag her to bed as best we could.”
“It’s hard to love someone who’s hurting you, but at the same time it’s hard not to love someone who you are caring for.”
A Mother’s Multiple Personalities Healed her Family Accessed 3/3/11.
My mother is 55 and talks like a baby to friends and family.
“My mother has talked like a baby for as long as i can remember. My family members always find this a problem. … She makes up stories everyday, lies constantly. … I think she needs to be in a institute and get help.” Accessed 2/21/11. Answers.psychcentral
A loving relationship IS possible with people who have DID. My mother is an example. She has DID due to extreme childhood ritual and sexual abuse. She’s the most amazing and resilient woman I have ever known, and I am proud to be her daughter. My father has been married to her for 35 years and has supported her unconditionally. It can work! Please educate your readers and provide some useful information about the courageous people who live with DID. –Proud of Mom in Pennsylvania
- Multiple Personalities – Disorder or Behaviour by Tricia-Lee Keller (mentalhealthmatters2.wordpress.com)
- New Scientist October, 2013, “Multiple personalities: Takedown of a diagnosis” (mentalhealthmatters2.wordpress.com)
- Oprah: Kim Noble
- My Mom has Multiple Personaltiies
- A Mother’s Multiple Personalities Healed Her Family
- Dr. Phil My Husband, My Kids, My Multiple Personalities